the final third

Remembering Helen: - final third.

After Joe, things didn't really slow down much for Helen.  First of all, there was the health of her sister and mother.  Even before Joe died, they were not doing well and needed a lot of assistance.  Helen went down to North Carolina for a week each month to help out.  By this time Joe had bought a condo in Pinehurst.  His first love was Bermuda, and the family had many happy times visiting there, especially over new years.  Joe got involved with Bermuda with his golf foursome, Frank Eby and Dick Lichtenwalner.  They were both members of Mid-Ocean club and arranged for Joe to join as well.  But I suppose Pinehurst was more convenient and with Helen's mom and sister being so close, it just made more sense, so they joined Country Club of North Carolina bought a condo and started visiting more often.  In any event, Helen still had her hands full looking after people, as well as her various civic responsibilities.  I0 years before he died, Joe had been the leader of a group who had bought the Hotel Traylor, site of Helen's job interview those many years ago.  It had been re-sold just months before Joe's death to a local business man who wanted it to be a lynchpin in his house of cards real estate empire.  This, along with some real estate tax shelters which were hard to value made it very difficult to probate Joe's will.  Helen spent the next several years learning the ins and outs of trusts, orphans court, bank corporate trustees, corporate stock sale agreements and what not. Along with that, there was presbyterian homes, and about this time she became a member of the board of trustees of Lehigh Valley Hospital.  There was enough on her plate.  In a way, she was fortunate because in all the years Joe was traveling, running the house became pretty much Helen's area of expertise.  She had squads of folks to coordinate. The plumber, the roofer, the tree man, the window washer, the painter, the septic tank guy, the yard guy, the electrician, the stone mason, a housekeeper.  Nearly every day, certainly every week something had to be attended.  Helen kept track of everything, budgeted everything, made sure funds were available at all the right times.  She had done this for years so it was no great change after Joe was gone.  These people were all a big part of Helen's life, her extended family, no doubt.  Catherine Hefner was part of the family for years. Always Mrs. Hefner to us, she took care of most of the details in the house while Helen was away.  Her niece, and grand niece Suzann Veppert remain a part of the family.  In many ways Suzann was the daughter she never had.  Nick Paul had been working on projects at the house with his dad since we moved there in 1962. He still stops in to check up on her.  The Snyder brothers, Jerry Galina and family, Frank  Pfneisel from Valley Arborists, Tom Kratzer, many others were part of the team that kept the household going.  Helen valued them all.

Her large group of friends all chipped in to help keep her well occupied, as well as a few ghosts from her past.  I recall two of them showing up soon after Joe died.  Hack Wilson was a G-2 friend from the war who lived outside Philadelphia.  They had a couple dinners together.  Willie Hayward was an ex-olympic  sailor in the star class.  He currently lived in Vancouver, so logistics would have been a problem.  Helen did perk up noticeably when he called, however.  He was it town once, and it was interesting to see them together.  She had done much work at the church with Claire Siegele, and with her husband Bill on Presbyterian Homes and they really stepped up to help Helen through a transition time.  Claire and Helen became very close.  Bill's roommate at Lehigh, Art Marvin, had recently become a widower. After a couple years, they became quite a foursome, traveling together, going to the club for dinner, Lehigh football games, and just hanging out.  Helen and Art became a couple, but never married.  Helen went to all Art's cousins' reunions, and got to know his whole extended family, just as Art became a member of our little group.  They were a great couple and enjoyed each other for many happy years, until Art's passing about 10 years ago. The Siegeles, Art, and Helen had many wonderful trips together.  Between trips, she still spent a week a month down in North Carolina, and found time to contribute to her boards and charities, as well as keeping up the house and grounds.  "Maybe not as well as when your father was alive" she would say.  But still the property always looked good whenever family or friends would visit.

My brother's wife's family, Carl and Dixie Burkholder lived right across the creek.  As soon as Joe died, they were a built in safety net, checking up on her often.  Their presence certainly made things much easier for Helen, and I'm sure contributed to her decision to remain in her house as long as she did.  The grandparents bonded together and if you knew Carl, you know there were many dinners out.  

My best friend growing up was Carl Greener, who lived around the corner from us back in Allentown.  His dad Carl Sr. was one of my dad's golf buddies.  Carl and I split our time at each other's houses and his mom Barbara and Helen spent a lot of time together.  After Joe died, Carl and Barbara were great friends and support for Helen.  For many years she spent a couple weeks with them at their house in Antigua in February. Our families included each other on many holiday get togethers when convenient. Daughter Deb often drove the mothers to the Allentown Symphony.  Special birthday lunches were the standing procedure.

So, her life was full for the first twenty years after Joe passed away.  Lots of travel, friends, civic work, and caring for her mother Bess who lived to 104.  Cousin Jamie Scott, who lived in New York, was a welcome addition to the group.  Jamie is related through  Bess ( Cashwell.)  Jamie joins us on most Christmas events and has added a wonderful fresh air to family gatherings.  Helen especially enjoyed her many phone calls, notes, letters, and visits over the years.  Inevitably, about 10 years ago, Helen started slowing down a bit.  Bess passed away peacefully and that ended the trips to North Carolina.  Art was next to go, and Helen lost her constant dinner companion.  She quickly joined up with a group of country club friends who made it a point to spend Saturday night together at dinner at the club.  This was quite a lively group.  I often made it a point to attend the annual gathering at my mom's house for the Kentucky Derby.  Helen was an expert at mint juleps.  She started making the syrup days ahead of time.  They were served in pewter mugs over cracked ice, with a sprig of mint sticking up and powdered sugar on top.  They went down smooooooth.  There was always an elaborate pool created, horses were picked and such glee expressed when the winner was announced.  Probably won 10 bucks.  I always thought her interest in the triple crown was her way of paying homage to her dad's love of horses, a way of bonding with him from long ago.   I won't list the names of those in this group. They all know who they are, and their company was a great comfort and pleasure for Helen as she got older.

Her grand children were always much in Helen's thoughts.  Not only her grandchildren, but also all the children in the extended family.  Suzann's kids, Levi and Jordan,  Bob Burkholder's kids, Tyler and Shannon, Marsha's twins Matt and Wes,  right along with  Joey,  John, Julie, and Abbey.  All updates and visits were cause for great glee and endless reporting.  Helen was a voracious reader. Papers, magazines, books, anything she could get her hands on.  If something would have been of interest to any one of her family or friends, it would be cut out and mailed.  I started getting articles in the mail when I was away in prep school, and it never stopped until she started just holding them me for my visits.  Once I took over doing her bills and correspondence it was my job to send them off, to Joey, Jamie, to whomever the article might apply.  She covered two or three papers, weekly news magazines, business journals, as well as historical and archeological periodicals.  I can't believe she kept up with them all as long as she did.

The last couple years, Helen's health and mobility started deteriorating.  There were a couple hospital stays, and an extended rehab at Lehigh Manor.  Following that, just over a year ago, she came home with a full time care giver, Glenzes Dowdie from the Griswold agency.  Helen referred to Glenzes as her guardian angel.  Certainly, she made Helen's last year possible and kept it as enjoyable as she could.  She gave Helen the finest care anyone could expect, and did so with an unflappably pleasant presence.  We will always be thankful,  Glenzes.  Helen passed away just as she was about to return home from her last stay at the hospital.  Her great heart finally gave out.  I know I will miss her thoughtful conversation, her insights, her analysis of current events, and her wise council.  I'm sure others feel the same.  She was a classic member of the "Great Generation."  She was blessed with a sense of duty, the talents to contribute greatly, a grace and gentility which doesn't seem to be as present today.  She participated fully in the adventure of life.  Greatly enjoyed most of it, and endured stoically that which was unpleasant.  She was a good friend to her friends and enjoyed a lot of companionship in return.  At heart she was self sufficient and had a strong sense of who she was and what she valued.  A very strong core.  But she never let that get in the way of being outgoing, learning all she could about her friends and the world around her.  

She will be missed...  We love you, Helen.

helen...the middle years

Remembering Helen, the middle years

So now we come to the late 40's, Helen is in Allentown, and engaging in the active job of being the Girl Scout executive.  These types of jobs are usually quite demanding involving a lot of negotiating, pacifying, fund raising, coordinating, massaging, and generally making things happen.  I'm sure it was no different for Helen.  In this capacity she got to know many of the civic leaders in the area and seemed to be well regarded by most, if not all, many remaining friends for the rest of their lives.  What did Helen do for fun in her new adopted home?  I'm sure there were many trips back to New York to visit cousin Ginny on her days off.  I'm sure there were no shortage of fix-up dates set up by her girl scout board colleagues.  I suspect it would take a certain type of no-nonsense veteran to appeal to Helen at this point.  By now she had already seen a lot of life .  Apparently, one beau who stuck was Joe Potts.  As I heard it, they had actually met previously, when Helen was in the Red Cross doing soldier entertainment for the troops on the bases.  Apparently there was a party going on in someone's house, where an upstairs bathtub had been filled with champagne.  That room was presided over by a young Captain Potts, probably in charge of opening the bottles and testing same prior to dispersal amongst the guests.  I know my father was a master at opening champagne and very careful not to waste any by allowing the top to explode out along with half the contents.  A very careful twist at the right moment, and poof, with a  little smoke the cork neatly releases with nary a drop on the floor.  He taught his sons well.  Anyway, Helen was left with some kind of memory of Captain Potts which she recalled years later when they met in Allentown.

Joe Potts from Pottstown had roomed with Fritz Durham from Allentown at Princeton and remained fast friends.  After being discharged from the army and pondering his next move, Joe was hanging out with his buddy Fritz up in Allentown, planning on attending Harvard Business School in the fall.  Fritz's dad, Ned Durham, had a business  in town, Bonney Forge and Foundry.  Ned told Joe he was wasting his time at business school.  Hell, he could go to work for him right now along with his buddy Fritz.  He'd learn more on the job than he ever would out of a bunch of books in school.  Joe took him up on it.  At some point he and Helen reconnected, and I've heard the story of how, but don't recall it right now.  Joe is hard at work selling forged products all around the country, Helen busy running the girl scouts, and in 1949 they get married.  Their two kids, my brother Joe and I arrive in 1951 and 1952 respectively.  They move from the row house on Franklin St. right by the Hotel Traylor and the Girl Scout Office out to 30th St. in 1952 when a house becomes available.  There was a shortage of available housing back in those days.  The house was a charming thatch roof English cottage, which I'm sure reminded Helen of her time in England.  A horrible addition in the 60's destroyed the facade of this charming home.

In any event, Joe and Helen ran with a group known as the 30th St. Rat pack.  Bob and Betty Muir, the Staceys, Fritz and Kitty Durham,  I'm guessing Bus and Barbara Benner, Bill and Jocelyn Young, Chuck and Betty Garrettson, and I'm sure some others I am missing seemed to do a lot of partying as I was a kid growing up.  Always seemed to be some party somewhere.  Dinner and drinks at one or another of their houses.  Despite all this going on, I also recall going back to Pottstown almost every weekend  on Saturday.  My dad also had a group of Pottstown friends he kept up with.  Helen was quickly absorbed into the Pottstown Potts family.  She adored Joe's dad, Dr. Potts.  His brother and family also lived in town at that time.  Joe's mother, Sarah,  quite a character in her own right,  enjoyed sharing recipes and teaching Helen the ins and outs of being a married woman. "Oh ye gods and little fishes, how I hate to do the dishes". One of Sarah's quotes.  Dr Potts was in poor health and passed away in 1955, and Joe had to spend a lot of time helping to keep up the big house they lived in, a Queen Anne style Victorian perched on a rise right next to the Hill School.  Always adaptable, Helen melded right in to the social scene both in Pottstown and Allentown, forming fast friendships which lasted her lifetime.  Most of the stories from this time revolve around Joe, who was a rather compelling character himself.  But suffice it to say that Helen matched him step for step despite playing more of a supporting role, being responsible at first for her girl scout duties, and later raising a couple of rambunctious boys as well as contributing to a variety of civic organizations.  Weekends traveling to Pottstown.  Parties Friday and Saturday nights.  Far more hectic than my lifestyle today.

Bonney Forge was bought out by Miller Manufacturing in the late 50's, early 60's and my dad had to start flying out to Ohio each week.  Eventually, Miller Manufacturing was bought out by Gulf and Western.  The simple little forging business became the Energy Products Group in Gulf and Western, and Joe's responsibilities became more global.  He went around the world looking at forging operations, buying those that fit the EPG framework, and integrating their operations within the conglomerate's protocols.  Scotland, Italy, France, Mexico, even a quick look at Iran when the Shah was there.  A lot of International Travel.  Often, Helen accompanied him, providing some much needed support and aid entertaining the wives of the men managing the companies involved.  At times it was to make them feel comfortable with the people buying out what was usually a family business.  Other times it was to promote a sense of team building with the wives of the new managers.  Either way, it was important work.  As they say, mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.  While Helen did well with the wives, she also did well with their husbands.  She was very adept at dealing with men, understood them, and was able to show interest in the things they found interesting.  If she didn't know about something, she went out of her way to learn.  They next time she met you, she would have something to contribute.  That was her way.  The Cambells in Scotland, the Minardi's in Bergamo, many others became family friends who maintained ties through the years.

Don't think that Helen totally abandoned her North Carolina roots with all this immersion in Pennsylvania and the world of Joe.  Far from it.  "I'm a tar-heel born and a tar-heel bred, and when I die I'm a tar-heel dead."  A common comment.  Each year Helen drove the boys down to High Point for a week with her mother and sister, then a week down in Cherry Grove (now part of Myrtle Beach)  This was usually during union negotiations, a stressful part of the year for Joe, who typically stayed home the first week and joined us the second.  Besides there was better golf in myrtle Beach at the Dunes Golf and Beach Club.  In addition to the summer visits, her mother and Betsy often came north to stay with us for a couple weeks each year.  Summer Camp outside Asheville for my brother and I for 5 weeks each summer added to our southern heritage and awareness.  Helen saw to it we knew our roots.

In the late 60's, Joe's mother , who had lived alone in her large house with Joe and family coming over to maintain things every couple weeks , developed some dementia and had to put placed in a home.  It became Helen's job to check up on things, which she faithfully did each day for several years.  Barbara Benner was active in Republican politics and when a nursing home licensing board was being put together, they were looking for a consumer advocate to place on the panel.  Barbara said she had a friend who was in one every day and before long the governor was calling asking her if she wanted to participate.  After conferring with Joe, who thought it might be a good experience for her, she accepted.  Thus began a four or five year period where she saw some of the underside of Pennsylvania politics, as well as the inner workings of the nursing home business.  The Shapp administration came in and Helen kept on trekking to Harrisburg a couple times a month working on this board several more years.  One day she got a call from the Governor. "Helen" he said  "I had no idea you weren't a Democrat.  I'm going to get my skin fried politically if I don't get you off this board and give it to one of my democratic supporters. You've done a great job, but I have to ask you to resign."  No hard feelings from Helen.  She understood. It was how the world of patronage in government worked. She was surprised they wanted her as long as they had.

In the meantime, her experience with nursing home administration made her a valuable member of the Presbyterian Homes network where she next donated her talents.  For many years she put a lot of miles and a lot of work on a variety of projects undertaken around the state.  She learned the ins and outs of finance riding back and forth to Dillsburg with Carl Bear, chairman of Merchants Bank.  Helen's task on these boards was typically to listen carefully, ask the questions that seemed too obvious or silly to be asked by those Helen referred to as "the men".  By doing so, of course, she always managed to get to the nut of the problem, and her participation was valued.  She had a keen eye and a sharp wit, and was not inclined to let things slide when they needed to be done.

During the early 60's the family had outgrown their charming English cottage.  Joe was an avid golfer and Lehigh member.  The boys were trekked out to the club each day for swimming and what not and picked up each afternoon.  A property adjoining the golf course came up for sale and Joe was entranced.  It was a summer home for the Freemans of Freemans' dairy.  It was a cottage they had rebuilt in the thirties complete with beautiful gardens and stone retaining walls everywhere.  A narrow sliver of steep ground along the Little Lehigh, it had a series of paths developed along the contours of the slope.  There was abundant wildlife, hills for sledding, lots of trouble for the boys to find.  Helen was convinced, and here she made her home until the end of her days.  Though at first it was Joe's sanctuary, Pottsheim, soon it was equally Helen's.  The place she thought of as home.  For about 50 years.

The years of international travel and corporate stress took their toll on Joe.  While on one of his marathon business trips which started out in Allentown, midday in Michigan, and a late dinner in Mexico City, he had a massive heart attack and died in 1980.  This was a total surprise.  He was in very good shape, and was checked out rigorously by Gulf and Western each year.  It was a big shock for Helen as well as the rest of us, who by now were out on our own pursuing our various careers.  So begins the third phase of Helen's saga.