the final third

Remembering Helen: - final third.

After Joe, things didn't really slow down much for Helen.  First of all, there was the health of her sister and mother.  Even before Joe died, they were not doing well and needed a lot of assistance.  Helen went down to North Carolina for a week each month to help out.  By this time Joe had bought a condo in Pinehurst.  His first love was Bermuda, and the family had many happy times visiting there, especially over new years.  Joe got involved with Bermuda with his golf foursome, Frank Eby and Dick Lichtenwalner.  They were both members of Mid-Ocean club and arranged for Joe to join as well.  But I suppose Pinehurst was more convenient and with Helen's mom and sister being so close, it just made more sense, so they joined Country Club of North Carolina bought a condo and started visiting more often.  In any event, Helen still had her hands full looking after people, as well as her various civic responsibilities.  I0 years before he died, Joe had been the leader of a group who had bought the Hotel Traylor, site of Helen's job interview those many years ago.  It had been re-sold just months before Joe's death to a local business man who wanted it to be a lynchpin in his house of cards real estate empire.  This, along with some real estate tax shelters which were hard to value made it very difficult to probate Joe's will.  Helen spent the next several years learning the ins and outs of trusts, orphans court, bank corporate trustees, corporate stock sale agreements and what not. Along with that, there was presbyterian homes, and about this time she became a member of the board of trustees of Lehigh Valley Hospital.  There was enough on her plate.  In a way, she was fortunate because in all the years Joe was traveling, running the house became pretty much Helen's area of expertise.  She had squads of folks to coordinate. The plumber, the roofer, the tree man, the window washer, the painter, the septic tank guy, the yard guy, the electrician, the stone mason, a housekeeper.  Nearly every day, certainly every week something had to be attended.  Helen kept track of everything, budgeted everything, made sure funds were available at all the right times.  She had done this for years so it was no great change after Joe was gone.  These people were all a big part of Helen's life, her extended family, no doubt.  Catherine Hefner was part of the family for years. Always Mrs. Hefner to us, she took care of most of the details in the house while Helen was away.  Her niece, and grand niece Suzann Veppert remain a part of the family.  In many ways Suzann was the daughter she never had.  Nick Paul had been working on projects at the house with his dad since we moved there in 1962. He still stops in to check up on her.  The Snyder brothers, Jerry Galina and family, Frank  Pfneisel from Valley Arborists, Tom Kratzer, many others were part of the team that kept the household going.  Helen valued them all.

Her large group of friends all chipped in to help keep her well occupied, as well as a few ghosts from her past.  I recall two of them showing up soon after Joe died.  Hack Wilson was a G-2 friend from the war who lived outside Philadelphia.  They had a couple dinners together.  Willie Hayward was an ex-olympic  sailor in the star class.  He currently lived in Vancouver, so logistics would have been a problem.  Helen did perk up noticeably when he called, however.  He was it town once, and it was interesting to see them together.  She had done much work at the church with Claire Siegele, and with her husband Bill on Presbyterian Homes and they really stepped up to help Helen through a transition time.  Claire and Helen became very close.  Bill's roommate at Lehigh, Art Marvin, had recently become a widower. After a couple years, they became quite a foursome, traveling together, going to the club for dinner, Lehigh football games, and just hanging out.  Helen and Art became a couple, but never married.  Helen went to all Art's cousins' reunions, and got to know his whole extended family, just as Art became a member of our little group.  They were a great couple and enjoyed each other for many happy years, until Art's passing about 10 years ago. The Siegeles, Art, and Helen had many wonderful trips together.  Between trips, she still spent a week a month down in North Carolina, and found time to contribute to her boards and charities, as well as keeping up the house and grounds.  "Maybe not as well as when your father was alive" she would say.  But still the property always looked good whenever family or friends would visit.

My brother's wife's family, Carl and Dixie Burkholder lived right across the creek.  As soon as Joe died, they were a built in safety net, checking up on her often.  Their presence certainly made things much easier for Helen, and I'm sure contributed to her decision to remain in her house as long as she did.  The grandparents bonded together and if you knew Carl, you know there were many dinners out.  

My best friend growing up was Carl Greener, who lived around the corner from us back in Allentown.  His dad Carl Sr. was one of my dad's golf buddies.  Carl and I split our time at each other's houses and his mom Barbara and Helen spent a lot of time together.  After Joe died, Carl and Barbara were great friends and support for Helen.  For many years she spent a couple weeks with them at their house in Antigua in February. Our families included each other on many holiday get togethers when convenient. Daughter Deb often drove the mothers to the Allentown Symphony.  Special birthday lunches were the standing procedure.

So, her life was full for the first twenty years after Joe passed away.  Lots of travel, friends, civic work, and caring for her mother Bess who lived to 104.  Cousin Jamie Scott, who lived in New York, was a welcome addition to the group.  Jamie is related through  Bess ( Cashwell.)  Jamie joins us on most Christmas events and has added a wonderful fresh air to family gatherings.  Helen especially enjoyed her many phone calls, notes, letters, and visits over the years.  Inevitably, about 10 years ago, Helen started slowing down a bit.  Bess passed away peacefully and that ended the trips to North Carolina.  Art was next to go, and Helen lost her constant dinner companion.  She quickly joined up with a group of country club friends who made it a point to spend Saturday night together at dinner at the club.  This was quite a lively group.  I often made it a point to attend the annual gathering at my mom's house for the Kentucky Derby.  Helen was an expert at mint juleps.  She started making the syrup days ahead of time.  They were served in pewter mugs over cracked ice, with a sprig of mint sticking up and powdered sugar on top.  They went down smooooooth.  There was always an elaborate pool created, horses were picked and such glee expressed when the winner was announced.  Probably won 10 bucks.  I always thought her interest in the triple crown was her way of paying homage to her dad's love of horses, a way of bonding with him from long ago.   I won't list the names of those in this group. They all know who they are, and their company was a great comfort and pleasure for Helen as she got older.

Her grand children were always much in Helen's thoughts.  Not only her grandchildren, but also all the children in the extended family.  Suzann's kids, Levi and Jordan,  Bob Burkholder's kids, Tyler and Shannon, Marsha's twins Matt and Wes,  right along with  Joey,  John, Julie, and Abbey.  All updates and visits were cause for great glee and endless reporting.  Helen was a voracious reader. Papers, magazines, books, anything she could get her hands on.  If something would have been of interest to any one of her family or friends, it would be cut out and mailed.  I started getting articles in the mail when I was away in prep school, and it never stopped until she started just holding them me for my visits.  Once I took over doing her bills and correspondence it was my job to send them off, to Joey, Jamie, to whomever the article might apply.  She covered two or three papers, weekly news magazines, business journals, as well as historical and archeological periodicals.  I can't believe she kept up with them all as long as she did.

The last couple years, Helen's health and mobility started deteriorating.  There were a couple hospital stays, and an extended rehab at Lehigh Manor.  Following that, just over a year ago, she came home with a full time care giver, Glenzes Dowdie from the Griswold agency.  Helen referred to Glenzes as her guardian angel.  Certainly, she made Helen's last year possible and kept it as enjoyable as she could.  She gave Helen the finest care anyone could expect, and did so with an unflappably pleasant presence.  We will always be thankful,  Glenzes.  Helen passed away just as she was about to return home from her last stay at the hospital.  Her great heart finally gave out.  I know I will miss her thoughtful conversation, her insights, her analysis of current events, and her wise council.  I'm sure others feel the same.  She was a classic member of the "Great Generation."  She was blessed with a sense of duty, the talents to contribute greatly, a grace and gentility which doesn't seem to be as present today.  She participated fully in the adventure of life.  Greatly enjoyed most of it, and endured stoically that which was unpleasant.  She was a good friend to her friends and enjoyed a lot of companionship in return.  At heart she was self sufficient and had a strong sense of who she was and what she valued.  A very strong core.  But she never let that get in the way of being outgoing, learning all she could about her friends and the world around her.  

She will be missed...  We love you, Helen.